Our Blog: Now in Book Form

Thanks to the best idea since sliced bread (or cafe lattes, or combining bacon, cream cheese and avocado in a bagel...) - Blurb.com - you can now purchase a real, live book version of our highlarious travel blog.

It comes with a hundred pages, hard covers and - GASP! - a dust jacket, and it can be yours for only €39.95 or €29.95 in softcover ($52.94 or $39.56, or £27.36 or £20.68). It contains all your favourite blog posts, hundreds of photos I couldn't be bothered to upload to the blog and for a limited time only, it comes with my continued friendship FREE!* The Blurbies will deliver anywhere in the world for a small fee and all proceeds will go to Catherine's University Education Fund.

And may I just say how amazing Blurb.com is. Download their free book-building software, Booksmart, design your own book using your treasured photos, add some text and have the whole thing magically transformed into an actual book. The best thing is there's a minimum order of just one, and you can also sell your book on Blurb's bookstore for profit. Best. Idea. EVER!

*Terms and conditions apply. Subject to status, height, diction, age, gender, favourite pizza flavour, political affliation, pronunciation of the world 'supposedly' and favourite member of Take That.

I'd Just Like to Thank the Academy...

My wonderful aunt Peggy has bestowed the Arte y Pico award on us and our blog, so we'd like to say a big thank you to her and direct you to her lovely blog at http://organicgrowingpains.blogspot.com/.

The rules and regulations of the Arte Y Pico Award (which you can find out more about at arteypico.blogspot.com if you can read Spanish) are that each winner passes it on to five more deserving blogs rich in creativity, design and interesting material and also for contributing to the blogging community, no matter what language. Each award has to show the author's name and the blog address and each award winner has to display the award and a link to the blogger who bestowed it.

I picked my five favourite blogs....

1) http://celebrationfl.blogspot.com/ by Barb. Chronicling life in Disney's Town of Celebration, just south of Walt Disney World, Florida.

2) http://notesfromtheskye.blogspot.com/ by Lisa Skye. We met the lovely Lisa in Guatemala and she is sharing her explorations on her upbeat and funny blog.

3) http://fakesteve.blogspot.com/. With a best-selling book ('Options') Fake Steve Jobs probably has plenty of awards already, but I just love this personal diary of Fake Steve Jobs, founder of Apple Computers. He invented the friggin iPhone, dude. Maybe you've heard of it?

4) http://pixarblog.blogspot.com/. This unoffical Pixar blog by Mike is colorful, cute and informative. Check it out!

5) http://fakeinterviewswithrealcelebrities.blogspot.com/. Wendy Molyneux's blog gives an insider's peek at LA and also has the best damn blog name EVER!

That's All Folks

It pains us to say it, but we have come to the end.

We've had an amazing time, and thanks to everyone who read our blog, left comments and continually annoyed me to put up more photos! Despite the fact that uploading photos is now much easier, I haven't magically been blessed with patience, so give me until the end of the week to have the blog fully illustrated. However I am giving you this video to watch, and you can check out even more photos on our Bebo and Facebook pages.

To everyone we met on the road, we'd like to say that it is definitely the people you meet who shape your experience, and all of you have shaped ours into something amazing. Thank you.

THE END

And the Winner Is...

Welcome to the First Annual and Last Ever Catherine and Sheelagh's Central American Adventure Blog Awards, A.K.A. The CASCAABs!

Our keyboard is all glittered up and we have lots to get through, so let's just dive right in.

Best Conversation Starter:
Patricio in San Pedro with 'Has anyone seen a bong?'

Substance Least Resembling That For Which It Is Named:
The 'coffee' at Hotel Finca Playa Venecia, Ometepe

Moment When We Most Felt We Were In A Scene From The Blair Witch Project:
En route to the beach through the darkness, barking dogs and abandoned stone dwellings, miles from civilisation and San Pedro La Laguna

Most Disappointing Literary Experience:
'Dead Air' by Iain Banks. Alledgedly one of the best books of the decade and included in '1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die'. I suspect whoever decided that was high on crack at the time because it's total cack.

Most Enthusiastic Advocate of Sun Protection:
Wayne

Catherine's Biggest Distraction from Spanish School:
The library at D'Noz, San Pedro

Mr. So Far Up His Own Ass He Can Probably Taste It In His Mouth:
'Donnie Brasco', D&D Brewery

Mr. So Far Up His Own Ass He Can Probably Taste It In His Mouth Junior:
Andy/Frank, San Pedro

The Most Heart-Breaking, Gut-Wrenching, Tear-Jerking, Marry-Me-Now Story Ever Told:
Eric's books or food story, San Pedro (We're crying right now just thinking about it!)

Greatest Repetition of the Phrase, 'Good luck with the book':
Seán

Most Original Use of Fingers & Thumbs:
Eric's patented hand gesture, taking a classic to a whole other level

Best Drying Weather:
Playa Santo Domingo, Ometepe

With A Temperature Second Only To That Of Satan's Crotch:
Our hotel room in Choluteca, Honduras

More Information Than the Lonely Planet and In Living Colour:
Callie, Copan Ruinas

The 1990 Munster Dance Champion Comes Out Of Retirement:
Catherine's salsa dancing in Papa Changas, Copan Ruinas and in Coco's, Cahuita

Most Blatant False Advertising Ever:
'Irish Blues', St Patrick's Night at the Buddha Bar, San Pedro. My ass.

Question Most Likely to Lead To Your Face Being Slapped by Catherine:
'Do you believe in the moon landings?'

Chat-Up Line Least Likely To Lead to Fornication With Sheelagh:
'Do you do yoga?'
and tying for first place:
'I just realised: our eyes are EXACTLY the same!'

Song That Prompted A Drunk Catherine To Wipe One of Her Tears Down Sheelagh's Cheek and State, 'Tear' In Case of Confusion:
The Dance by Garth Brooks

Song That Prompted An Equally Drunk Sheelagh to Return The Favour:
Ride On by Christy Moore

Most Giggling Fit Inducing Trick of Light:
The Forever Friend teddybear on the ceiling of our Hotel San Francisco room

Comedy Routine That Almost Resulted In Two Wet Pairs of Bikini Bottoms:
Tommy Tiernan's Latin Class, on Wayne's iPod

Best Ad Hoc Hairdressing Salon:
Catherine's bathroom in Orlando, where Sheelagh shed her dreads

Meal Least Resembling That of Which Was Ordered (Or Thought Was Ordered):
Sheelagh orders chicken, chips & a Coke, gets pasta, mystery meat and a questionable milk-like substance, Guatemala City

Most Fortunate Misunderstanding of Our Rudimentary Spanish:
We tell our tuk tuk driver to leave us off here, he bombs down San Pedro's steepest hill at full speed instead. Brilliant.

Most Useless Item in Catherine's Backpack:
Her Florida licence plate

Most Useful Item in Sheelagh's Backpack:
Her sarong/skirt/top/shawl/pillowcase/sheet/towel/bag

Most Obsessive Blog Reader:
It's a tie - Catherine's Mum (aka Mother H., faithful blog readers) and Sheelagh's Mum

Most Prolific Blog Commenter:
Another tie - this time between Catherine's Mum and Catherine's aunt Peggy. They do it so much they've even left comments for each other!

Worst Fake Brother Ever:
Gary, Copan Ruinas

Most Serendiptious Meeting:
Jesus, who saved our asses at the Rivas bus station AND later in San Jose. Thank you!

Best Use of Avocado on a Menu:
D'Noz, San Pedro

The Sole Survivor Award, sponsored by Duracell
Catherine's $16.99 Target flip-flops, which she wore everyday throughout the entire trip and they're still going!

Most Ingenious Use of a Bikini Top:
Sheelagh solution to our Hotel Finca Playa Venecia oscillating fan problem

Best Blog Comment:
Callie declaring that we're the best thing to happen to Central America since the invention of the wheel - sure we know! ;)

And now - the Best and the Worst....

Best hostel: Iguana Azul, Copan Ruinas
Worst hostel: Mi Esperanza, Choluteca

Best shower: Iguana Azul, Copan Ruinas
Worst shower: Mi Esperanza, Choluteca - it was just a high tap!

Best view: Hotel San Francisco, San Pedro
Worst view: Yes, you've guessed it - Mi Esperanza

Best food: D&D Brewery, Pena Blanca
Worst food: Hotel Finca Playa Venecia, Ometepe

Best Bed: Hotel Joluva, Granada
Worst Bed: Hotel San Francisco

Best Beer: Tona, Nicaragua
Worst Beer: Balboa, Panama

Best Bar: The Red Frog, Copan Ruinas
Worst Bar: Hotel Finca Playa Venecia, Ometepe - what, no limes?

Best Mojito: El Barrio, San Pedro
Worst Mojito: Hotel Finca Playa Venecia

Best Rum: Flor de Cana, 12 year
Worst Rum: Daniel's moonshine

Best Shot: Tequila
Worst Shot: Uterus

Best Coffee: Cafe Don Simon, Granada
Worst Coffee: Hotel Finca Playa Venecia

Best Book Read: Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert
Worst Book Read: Dead Air, Iain Bank

Best Film Seen: Life is Beautiful
Worst Film Seen: Urban Justice

Best Bus Ride: Hedman Alas, from anywhere to anywhere
Worst Bus Ride: From Choluteca to the border

Best Company: Wayne
Worst Company: Donnie Brasco

Best Place: Copan Ruinas
Worst Place: Choluteca

Best Experience: The pick-up truck ride
Worst Experience: Border crossing.

If you have won any awards here tonight then a) don't be expecting anything other than our love and gratitude and b) feel free to leave your acceptance speech as a comment. If you have won any awards here tonight you feel are a defamation of your character and would like to initiate liable proceedings, then you can e-mail your grievances to youcanfeckrightoff@yahoo.co.uk. (Come to think of it that's probably someone's real e-mail address so I wouldn't recommend it. Just let it fester instead.)

Monkey Sex Tape

It does exactly what it says on the tin.

Thanks to Sheelagh's dirty mind for deciding to film this, Stewie from Family Guy for providing the soundtrack and, of course, the monkeys for going at it in the first place.

The Journey Back

Tuesday morning, we left Bocas del Toro and our friends and started back towards San Jose. Having traveled together as far as the mainland, we arrived at the station to find our bus waiting rather impatiently nearby. And so our goodbyes had to be quick, but they weren't painless. After we dragged on our bags and took our seats, the pick-up carrying Wayne, Seán, Stephanie and Tristen pulled up along side us, and Wayne - reclining in the back on everyone else's backpacks - gave us a little smile and a wave. Sheelagh and I were already in a delicate emotional state, poised precariously on the edge of tears since sometime the previous evening, but it was this innocuous act that threw open the floodgates, and left the two of us sniffling our way to the border.

We wondered into Sixola about thirty seconds before the 1pm bus to Limon left, but we managed to flag it down on the street. Two and a half hours later we had traveled less than fifty miles and we still had that again from Limon, where we'd have to take another bus to San Jose. It was a local service, dropping off passengers by request, stopping sometimes at two different spots on the same street. When we pulled into the station at Cahuita - where we had spent a few days the previous week - I made the split-second decision to wake Sheelagh from her slumber and get the hell off the bus. Two hours later, after some food, souvenir shopping and the acquisition of an emergency bag of Ritz crackers, we boarded a direct bus to San Jose that delivered us in one piece to the capital shortly before 9pm.

The taxi driver who waited patiently for us to disembark - we had been waiting patiently for all the taxi drivers to step away from the bus before getting off - advised us against our plan to sleep at the airport. He explained that everything in Costa Rica closed at 10pm, and that after that security would just shoo us out. Instead he drove us to a slightly dingy hotel not a 1km from the airport, where we had a lovely quiet room in the lobby, about two feet from the reception desk.

We slept through most of our first flight, San Jose to Newark. On arrival, we queued begrudgingly at US Immigration, where an over-zealous official decided to put an ugly line through my (expired) J-1 visa with his ballpoint pen, and made the usual, 'Which character were you?' jokes about working in Disneyworld. After taking prints of both index fingers, he casually added that he'd need my right thumb print as well. Following a freak bathroom door lock accident during the drunken stupor I enjoyed last Monday night, my right thumb had to be Band-Aided up with the assistance of the lovely Dr. Ó Floinn, and I looked now between the injured digit and the official in disbelief. Turns out he was attempting to make a funny. 'We have to keep things light around here,' he says, handing me back my descreated passport and motioning to next victim in line to step right up.

I enjoyed being back in the States, if only for a few hours and in the state of New Jersey. (You can see NYC out the window, which helps.) This is not only the end of our trip, but my first smack of reality after a year and a half in Florida. Back when this blog began, 'home' for me was Orlando, and I didn't realise just how distracted I was from the leaving of it by heading to Central America. Well yesterday, there were no distractions. In fact, there was just ten and a half hours of flight time to think. On a positive note though, I did manage to acquire an autographed copy of Harlan Coben's new book, Hold Tight, in Borders. (Coben lives in New Jersey. That's my theory).

Things were looking up on our second flight: individual TVs in every seatback, and touch-screen menus. We both watched an episode of 30 Rock, and then Sheelagh was nearly done with an episode of Frasier and I was up to Deep Throat's appearance in All The President's Men when everything froze, and that was the end of our in-flight entertainment. Only five hours of our six and a half hour flight left. Well bollocks to that anyway. It meant we did both manage to finish our books though, and I had become quite adept at virtual bowling by the time we landed. (For some inexplicable reason, the video games were unaffected by the problem. Half the plane was playing solitaire).

Ireland said welcome back with cold and rain. There was the ecstasy of the first cup of tea and a chocolate digestive, a soft duvet, a bath towel and my sister's GHD hair straighteners.

But now what?

The last time I was living in Ireland on an open-ended, for the forseable future, I don't know the date I'll be leaving kind of thing, it was January 2005. Things were bad then, but they appear to have got a hell of a lot worse. Dustin the Turkey is not only representing Ireland in the Eurovision Song Contest, but he's second favourite to win.

Six months, lads. Tops. I have to get out of here.

What a Difference a Day Makes

Or a couple of days, anyway. Three days ago we were leaving our friends in Bocas del Toro, backpacks digging welts in our shoulders, embarking on the long journey back to San Jose after two fantastic months of travelling.

I spent this afternoon playing Disney Trivial Pursuit with a ten-year-old and a six-year-old and perusing the Money & Jobs supplement of The Examiner.

Not quite the same, is it?